What I Asked for

I took a trip out of town for the weekend and decided to rebel a tiny bit and not bring a laptop with me. Strike a blow for work-life balance, if you will. Except I forgot about Monday being a post day, so here I am typing this on my phone in the WordPress app. I predict this is going to be a short one.

I thought I might clarify what it is that the matchmaker is looking for on my behalf because I got the sense from a couple of friends that they thought I might have been overly picky or that the matchmaker is being overly picky on my behalf. We are definitely being picky, but not in the way I would have been ten years ago. It’s one place in my life where I think I can see obvious progress.

AGE: the parameters we’re working with here are simple:  I don’t care about age. All I care about is that I can’t boss him, and he doesn’t try to boss me. This is so much less about age than it is mindset and accepting responsibility for your own life and actions.

EDUCATION: more simplicity. I don’t have any minimum requirements. I see how lucky I got in the life lottery with parents who loved me and prioritized my education. They sacrificed a lot of fun to make sure my sister and I got a more than solid start in life. I can’t hold the lack of a degree against someone who has worked hard to achieve his ambitions. Conversely, there is no way I’m going to tolerate a Ph.D. who sits on the couch all day playing Halo. I want to know that you have goals and are willing to work hard to achieve them. Degrees are unreliable proof of that.

INCOME LEVEL: no requirement here, either. I’m smart and I work hard. I don’t believe any job is beneath me. With this particular combination, I believe I will always be employable and have someplace to live. I hope I never have to test this theory. I don’t expect someone to support me and whatever spending habits I’ve developed. I’d like to be with  someone who works hard and earns enough to be independent. Not independently wealthy. Just independent.

APPEARANCE: I would like him to be the same height as or taller than I am when I wear heels, or not give a damn that I am taller than he is when I wear heels.

ALCOHOL: I’m not concerned with the frequency of drinking as long as he doesn’t drink because he needs to. I would like to be with someone who can drink because of my own deep appreciation for a well-made cocktail. Frequent drunkenness or drunkenness as a goal are both unattractive and raise red flags for me.

RANDOM OTHER STUFF: I need him to be culturally agile. He doesn’t have to be super familiar with the ins and outs of being Korean, but he has to respect my parents and what they’ve achieved and be able to navigate some of their culture- and generation-driven expectations. I don’t want to be put in the position of defending him to my family or vice versa.

He has to be intellectually curious. I get so annoyed when I overhear people say they read something somewhere and so that’s the truth. Did you look at the citations? Did you follow up on any links provided? Did you think about why the other side might be on the other side? I want our conversations to be fast and fun, not always the two of us agreeing on everything but able to talk about issues and understand where we’re each coming from.

He has to make me laugh, and he has to think I’m funny. It has been shockingly difficult to check both those boxes. Maybe because I’m not that funny. I don’t care. We have to be able to laugh together, or else how will we get through rough patches?

And he has to love to travel.

Anyway, if you find someone before the matchmaker does, I’m sure we can come up with some sort of finder’s fee.

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