Things I Learned the Time I Almost Killed My Boss

1.  Despite my disdainful avowals to the contrary, Koreans in Sydney use peanuts in their food.

2.  Sometimes, a Benadryl and an Epi-pen are not enough to stave off anaphylactic shock.

3.  Locals do not always know where the nearest hospital is.

4.  It’s best to stay calm and relaxed when you go into anaphylactic shock.  Running or panicking, as your direct report who almost killed you and other colleague are doing as they frantically search for a taxi, will only make anaphylaxis go faster.

5.  You can rely on taxi drivers to know where the nearest hospital is (sometimes it is within non-emergency walking distance).

6.  There is such a thing as non-emergency walking distance.

7.  A visit to the emergency room in Australia will cost you AU$100.  They take credit cards.

8.  Anaphylactic shock can trigger asthma attacks.

9.  Hospital staff expect you and your colleague to hang out by your boss’s bed as doctors and nurses administer various medications to him, even if you assure them that you would both be happier in the waiting room.

10.  You can’t always count on hospitals having wi-fi.

11.  Completing the next of kin information on the admission form will increase the guilt that you thought only three seconds before was at its maximum limit.

12.  Emergency room doctors, unlike on tv, exhibit calm and measured behavior.

13.  Despite your best efforts to separate your personal life from your work life, if you almost kill your boss with peanuts, you will end up seeing him shirtless.  Awkward.

14.  Treating and getting over anaphylactic shock takes many, many hours.  If you lack wi-fi, the emergency room is a pretty good place to pass the time — you’ll overhear many, interesting conversations and see some remarkable things.  Especially if there is a pride celebration going on nearby.

15.  The day after almost killing your boss with peanuts is too soon for your boss to joke about almost killing him with peanuts.

16.  Six months after almost killing your boss with peanuts is still too soon for your boss to joke about almost killing him with peanuts.

17.  One year is the outside edge of when it’s ok to start talking about the time you almost killed your boss with peanuts.

18.  When you try to avoid eating meals with your boss when traveling together after almost killing him with peanuts, he will notice and shame you into getting the heck over it.

19.  The boss I almost killed with peanuts has gone into anaphylactic shock on every continent except Antarctica.

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